Healing Sexless Marriages & Recovering From Infidelity
(Interview with Michele Weiner-Davis)
Listen To the ‘Love & Cherish’ Podcast
In this conversation, I spoke with bestselling author and therapist Michele Weiner-Davis, known worldwide for her work on sex-starved marriages and infidelity recovery. Michele has spent more than forty years helping couples who feel stuck, shut down, or disconnected. Her work has rescued thousands of relationships that felt beyond repair.
If you feel stuck in a sexless marriage, rejected by your spouse, or unsure how to bring back closeness, desire, and connection, this episode offers practical guidance. We explore responsive desire, how to approach a partner with care, why sexlessness often leads to resentment, and what actually helps couples repair trust after an affair. For anyone looking to save their marriage, revive sexual connection, or heal after betrayal, this conversation is an honest and hopeful place to start.
In this episode we explore:
- What “sex-starved marriage” really means
- Why long-term sexlessness damages connection and trust
- The silent expectations low-desire partners often hold
- When anger and withdrawal take over the relationship
- Why feelings cannot be the only guide in intimacy
- Responsive vs spontaneous desire, especially for women
- Why communication style matters more than frequency
- Ways to approach the conversation with more success
- How to support healing after infidelity
- Why hope is possible even after years of shutdown
What is a Sex Starved Marriage?
A sex starved marriage is not about numbers. It is when one partner yearns for touch and the other does not. When sex disappears, couples often withdraw emotionally too. Small moments of closeness vanish. Resentment builds. Many enter an unspoken contract: no sex, no complaints, remain faithful. This quietly destroys connection.
Watch Michele’s Famous Tedx Talk
Why Desire Differences Matter
For many men, sex is a key way they feel loved. For many women, desire is responsive, not spontaneous. Arousal often follows contact rather than leading it. When couples misunderstand this, they misread each other’s intentions. The high-desire partner may shut down in hurt. The low-desire partner may retreat in overwhelm. Both end up lonely.
When Feelings Cannot Be the Only Compass
We are often told to follow our feelings, yet marriage needs commitment and generosity even when we are tired or distracted. Just as parents read bedtime stories when they do not feel like it, partners sometimes begin intimacy from neutral. When touch starts, connection grows. Understanding responsive desire reduces pressure for everyone.
Breaking the Cycle of Withdrawal
Men often begin with soft requests: Do you still want me? When nothing changes, they harden into frustration. Irritability replaces vulnerability. She feels criticised, he feels invisible, and both suffer. Progress comes when each offers what they least feel like offering. She brings warmth. He brings curiosity. Change is uncomfortable but powerful.
Can Couples Heal After Infidelity?
Most of Michele’s intensive work is with couples facing affairs. Many want to stay married but feel lost in pain, questions, and triggers. Healing requires structure, safety, and patience. Betrayal recovery is not quick, yet Michele has seen many couples rebuild trust and connection with the right guidance. Hopelessness is the real danger. When people commit to repair, relationships can become stronger than before.
Resources & Links
📚 Michele Weiner-Davis Books
The Sex-Starved Marriage
Bring the spark back into your bedroom and your relationship with gutsy and effective advice from bestselling author Michele Weiner Davis. It is estimated that one of every three married couples struggles with problems associated with mismatched sexual desire. If you want to stop fighting about sex and revitalize your intimate connection with your spouse, then you need this book. In “The Sex-Starved Marriage,” bestselling author Michele Weiner Davis will help you understand why being complacent or bitter about ho-hum sex might cost you your relationship. Full of moving first-hand accounts from couples who have struggled with the erosion of sexual desire and rebuilt their passionate connection, “The Sex-Starved Marriage” addresses every aspect of the sexual libido problem.
Healing from Infidelity
Little compares to the devastation people feel upon discovering their spouse has been unfaithful. Shocked, devastated, and overwhelmed, couples often hit stalemates as they struggle to move beyond intense emotional pain, mistrust, resentment, and never-ending arguments about the betrayal.
From the bestselling author of Divorce Busting and The Sex-Starved Marriage — renowned therapist and TEDx speaker Michele Weiner-Davis — comes a powerful, time-tested blueprint for rebuilding trust and healing marriages after the crisis of infidelity.
Many couples have turned to Healing from Infidelity after seeking couples therapy that didn’t help — or made things worse. This book, with it’s down-to-earth, practical advice, compassionate coaching, and specific tools, has given them the hope and direction they were desperately missing.
🔗 Connect with Michele Weiner-Davis
Website → https://www.divorcebusting.com/
YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@DivorceBusting1
Facebook → https://www.facebook.com/micheleweinerdavis
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Laura How
Relationship Counsellor & Coach
