This article explores how parental intimacy, emotional closeness, and a strong marital bond shape children’s emotional security, mental health, and long-term wellbeing. Drawing on attachment theory and relationship research, it explains why connected parents raise more resilient children and why marriage quality matters for families and society.

How Intimate Parents Positively Affect Children (and Society)

Nothing nurtures and relaxes children more than being raised by deeply fulfilled, affectionate, playful parents who prioritise each other as lovers, not just friends. ⁽¹⁾

Children growing up in these homes witness daily displays of affection, respect, and playfulness. They feel their parents’ love as palpable and consistent; there is music in the kitchen, laughter in the car, and parents who touch, kiss, smile, and play together. Their whole world feels safe and warm, allowing them to thrive. ⁽¹⁾

They develop secure attachments, becoming more emotionally stable, confident, and resilient to stress. They learn that intimacy is safe, that love is something to embrace, and they carry this foundation into their own adult relationships, creating the same warmth and stability for the next generation. ⁽¹⁾

Intimacy is not just good for your marriage. It is good for your children, and it is good for society.

In this article, I explore what research tells us about how parental intimacy shapes children’s lives, why we may be facing a growing disconnection epidemic, and what you can realistically do about it.

I am Laura, a relationship therapist and coach. I help couples build relationships that feel alive, connected, and fulfilling.

Quick disclaimer: this article assumes you are in a fundamentally safe, loving relationship. If you are dealing with abuse, coercion, trauma, or physical pain during sex, please seek appropriate support first. Everything discussed here relates to voluntary intimacy within secure marriages.

Why the Couple Relationship Is the Emotional Foundation of Child Development

Research shows that children can cope with remarkably extreme circumstances; stress, uncertainty, poverty, famine, even war, as long as they know mum and dad are okay. ⁽¹⁾

When parents are connected, warm, and stable, children feel safe enough to explore the world. That sense of security can buffer them against even severe external challenges, providing a stable emotional base from which to navigate life. ⁽¹⁾

No matter how much money you have, which school your children attend, or how many opportunities you provide, if the bond between you and your spouse is cold, distant, or broken, even the most privileged children will suffer. ⁽²⁾

This is why the relationship you have with your spouse is the single most important stabilising force in your child’s life. ⁽²⁾

Longitudinal studies consistently show that higher marital satisfaction predicts better outcomes for children across almost every measure; improved emotional regulation, fewer behavioural problems, stronger social competence, higher academic achievement, and lower rates of anxiety and depression. ⁽²⁾

The couple bond is the emotional spine of the family. It is the springboard from which children launch into adulthood.

What often separates warm, connected parents from distant roommates is how much they prioritise sexual intimacy. And the research supports this.

How Sexual Intimacy Between Parents Shapes Family Stability

Sexual intimacy in committed relationships strongly correlates with emotional closeness, teamwork, commitment, stability, satisfaction, and long-term relationship durability. ⁽³⁾

The return on investment is significant, for you, your partner, and your family. Regular sexual connection reduces stress, improves sleep, and releases neurochemicals associated with bonding and trust, such as oxytocin. ⁽⁴⁾ It softens conflict, increases generosity, and strengthens emotional resilience. In practical terms, it helps couples become happier individuals, better partners, and more emotionally available parents. ⁽³⁾

Conversely, when sexual intimacy is absent, relationships tend to experience increased conflict, resentment, poorer communication, emotional withdrawal, and higher risks of infidelity and relationship breakdown. ⁽³⁾

It does not take much imagination to see how these relational dynamics inevitably affect children.

Which brings us to a deeply concerning trend.

The Disconnection Epidemic and the Children’s Mental Health Crisis

Globally, children’s mental health has been declining for years. In the UK, one in five children now has a probable mental disorder, a sharp increase from one in nine just a few years ago. Rates of anxiety, depression, and self-harm have risen substantially over the past decade. ⁽⁵⁾

There are, of course, many contributing factors. Increased screen time, social media exposure, academic pressure, pandemic disruption, and economic uncertainty all play a role.

But there is another factor we are not discussing nearly enough; the state of parents’ relationships, and in particular, the decline in sexual intimacy.

Since the late 1990s, every major dataset from the UK, US, and Europe shows the same pattern. Adults in long-term relationships are having significantly less sex than previous generations, with evidence that this decline has continued into the 2020s. ⁽⁶⁾

These figures do not simply reflect fewer sexual encounters. They signal a broader collapse in emotional closeness, embodied connection, and relational investment.

We now have a global children’s mental health crisis unfolding alongside a global marital disconnection crisis.

I do not believe that is a coincidence.

What Parents Can Do to Rebuild Connection at Home

The good news is that the solution is closer than many people realise. We can begin by tending to our relationships and making intimacy a priority again.

This does not mean that sex is the only thing that matters. Trust, loyalty, emotional connection, respect, and honesty are all essential. But sexual intimacy is often the first thing couples abandon, and once it goes, it frequently stays gone, at enormous cost to the family system.

There are often legitimate reasons why sex declines. Health issues, medication side effects, unresolved conflict, trauma history, hormonal changes, confidence struggles, shame, or life stage transitions can all play a role.

The solution is not to abandon intimacy, but to address what stands in its way.

Sex is to marital health what exercise is to physical health; central, not optional. And in both cases, if an injury occurs, recovery becomes the task, not permanent withdrawal.

That may mean talking to your doctor about medication effects. It may mean doing relational repair work. It may mean processing painful beliefs about sex, addressing confidence issues, or adapting intimacy around age, menopause, or changing bodies.

None of these challenges should be minimised. Many require time, patience, and therapeutic support. But moving gently toward healing, at whatever pace is possible, benefits not only you and your partner, but your children as well.

Why Generosity Between Parents Creates Security for Children

You may never have the kind of sex you had before children, and that is okay. It is not the absence of sex that harms relationships most. It is the feeling of being uncared for.

Doing what you can, with what you have, and with love at the centre, is enough. What matters is the spirit of generosity, because that is what children absorb when they observe their parents.

You cannot harm or neglect your spouse without indirectly affecting your children. And every time you support, encourage, or delight your partner, you reinforce your children’s sense that the adults they depend on are emotionally stable and secure.

Before every interaction with your spouse, there is a choice. Is this good for my marriage, or does it weaken it?

Every kiss. Every gentle touch. Every smile or kind word. Every moment of gratitude, honesty, repair, or warmth contributes to the emotional safety of your family.

You are one interconnected ecosystem. When you strengthen your marriage, you strengthen everything that depends on it, including the wider world your children will eventually move through.

Children do not need perfect parents. They need connected parents. They need the steady reassurance that mum and dad are okay, so they can be okay too.

We cannot fix every problem in society. But we can tend to our homes. And that has more impact than most people realise.

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Recommended Reading on Intimacy in Marriage

References

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