Podcast: ‘Making Intimacy Sacred’ with Zac Fine & Marijke Roberts

Sacred Space, Reconnecting, & Rebuilding Intimacy in Marriage

(Love and Cherish Podcast with Zac Fine and Marijke Roberts)

Listen To the ‘Love & Cherish’ Podcast

In this second team episode of the Love and Cherish podcast, I’m again joined by two therapists from my practice, Zac Fine and Marijke Roberts.

This time, we’re talking about the idea that sex and intimacy can be (and perhaps should be) sacred. We explore what happens when we strip away the performance pressure, the checklists, and the cultural noise, and instead create space for genuine connection. It’s a quieter conversation than you might expect, but it’s one I think a lot of couples need to hear.

👉 Meet the team and book online sessions here: https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/

Why Intimacy in Marriage Feels So Painful When It Disappears

We open by revisiting something that comes up constantly in my work with men in sexless marriages: the longing isn’t just for sex. It’s for the feeling of being wanted.

Marijke raises a really important point that when men talk about wanting more intimacy, the conversation often gets stuck on the mechanics. On frequency. On “doing it.” And she gently challenges that framing, pointing out that what’s often missing isn’t the act itself, but the connection around it.

Creating Sacred Space in Your Marriage: The Power of Ritual

This is where Zac brings in something I found genuinely beautiful. He talks about the concept of liminal space, the idea that certain environments and rituals signal to the unconscious mind that something different is happening. Something outside of the ordinary.

He points out that we already understand this instinctively. Churches, stone circles, meditation spaces are places we’ve always used to mark a shift in consciousness. And his suggestion is simple but quietly radical: you can create that for yourselves. Light some candles. Step outside of the usual noise. Agree, even wordlessly, that for this stretch of time, the conflicts and the to-do lists and the mundane pressures of life are set aside.

How Porn Has Distorted Our Expectations of Sex in Marriage

Marijke raises something uncomfortable but important: the way pornography has quietly redefined what “good sex” is supposed to look like. The idea that it should be intense, performative, and always end in orgasm. That if it doesn’t feel like that, it doesn’t count.

We talk about how this has narrowed our understanding of intimacy enormously, particularly for younger people who’ve grown up with it as a default reference point. The result is that couples can feel like they’re failing at something that was never meant to be a test in the first place.

Has Modern Life Destroyed Connection in Marriage?

Both Marijke and Zac talk about how quickly couples can slide into opposing positions, when what’s actually needed is a shared curiosity about what’s underneath.

Laura raises a question that sits at the heart of this episode: has modern life simply crowded out the sacred?

With two jobs, full houses, constant digital stimulation, and a culture that tells us exactly what to want and how to spend our time, there’s very little room left for anything that isn’t productive or immediately rewarding.

Laura shares that turning off the television in 2007 was one of the turning points in her own marriage. When you stop filling the space with noise, something else naturally grows.

Simple Exercises to Reconnect With Your Partner

Marijke suggests starting with something as basic as stroking each other’s arm, slowly, with full attention. Not as a prelude to sex, but as an experience in itself. Noticing what it feels like and letting that be enough.

Zac shares an experience from a workshop where pairs sat back to back, breathing in sync to a piece of music. When they turned around and looked into each other’s eyes, the effect was profound, even between strangers. He suggests this as a starting point for couples who feel stuck and aren’t sure where to begin.

Kings and Queens: An Intimacy Exercise for Couples

Zac introduces a lovely exercise called Kings and Queens, and it’s beautifully simple. One partner (the King) makes a request and the other partner agrees to honour it for a set period of time; say, twenty or thirty minutes. Then they swap. The Queen makes her request, and the King honours it.

What I love about this is what it assumes: that it’s okay to ask. That wanting something from your partner isn’t selfish or demanding. That receiving care is just as important as giving it.

Feeling Stuck in a Sexless Marriage? Try Curiosity Instead of Conflict

One of the threads that runs through the whole conversation is the importance of curiosity when intimacy feels blocked. It’s so easy for couples to turn towards each other with frustration. You don’t want me. You never make time. You’ve shut down.

But what if, instead of that, the question became: What’s going on for you? What’s going on for us?

Both Marijke and Zac talk about how quickly couples can slide into opposing positions, when what’s actually needed is a shared curiosity about what’s underneath.

Rebuilding Intimacy in a Long-Term Relationship: Why It Takes Time (And Why That’s Okay)

This episode isn’t about quick fixes either. We talk honestly about how slow this kind of work can be, especially when it involves attachment wounds that were formed decades ago. Laura gently challenges the idea that healing should be fast, noting that we’ve become so accustomed to the speed of the digital world that we’ve started to expect the same from our inner lives.

The good news is that relationships themselves are one of the most powerful vehicles for healing. Not despite the difficulty, but because of it. The places where we feel most stuck are often the places where the deepest growth is possible, if we can find the courage to stay curious rather than shut down.

Work With Me or My Team

If this conversation resonates with you and you’d like support, you’re very welcome to reach out. Zac, Marijke, and I all work with individuals and couples around intimacy, attachment, and long-term relationship difficulties.

👉 Meet the team and book online sessions here:
https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/

Join the Conversation

We’ll be recording this podcast monthly. If you have questions you’d like us to explore in future episodes, please leave them in the comments. We’d love to hear from you.