“I Wish Someone Had Told Me Sooner”: Real Stories of Responsive Desire in Marriage

A wife on YouTube · @karenjohnson5634

“I have learned so much from Laura!!! I was the woman that would shrug off any need for this. I told myself I didn’t need it. Having this kind of desire was a sign of weakness. I’d still participate and initiate some. But now Im learning how important all this is for a marriage and myself!!! […] All the years of going through the motion, I wish I had known it was ok for me to want this and enjoy it. But always hearing negative stories related to sex get in your head.”

A wife on YouTube · @clairemac3821

“Thank you!!!! This video is so good!! Far too often this message gets twisted into obligation sex that totally dismisses women having reactive desire. Pressure does not make women horny. I think in response to the obligation sex narrative people started to say it’s okay to never have sex. And you are right that is totally dismissive of men’s needs! And bad for any marriage! I’m glad you give balance and realism that respects both people in a marriage and suggestions to improve that don’t ignore female physiology.”

A wife on YouTube · @rachelchretien7788

“Woman here… FINALLY content that explains what my husband has been trying to convey in a way that women can understand. This is so helpful!”

A wife on YouTube · @cathy3950

“Wife here. I’m so glad my husband shared this with me early on in our marriage. He told me this because he had a friend that lost his marriage due to this. As a woman, I didn’t understand why sex was SO important. But his gentle and kind approach helped me understand that it’s just a different language than us women speak. This channel is GOLD! ❤”

A wife on YouTube · @AmmarisDoxey

“Thank you Laura for your videos, it’s helped me realize just how important sexuality is. It breaks my heart reading all these comments of men being rejected. I never want to do that to my husband, he’s definitely a good man. Because of these videos, my husband and I have been able to talk about the subject and I now understand how he feels about it. I never meant to be neglectful, just don’t feel as sexy taking care of three kids in diapers with drastic body changes after pregnancy. He’s been so understanding meeting my needs, now I need to meet his.”

A wife on YouTube · @MrsJohnsWife

“I am a woman. In retrospect, I can see that my husband was so miserable in our marriage due to the lack of sexual intimacy. I’m so glad I subscribed to this channel, even though I’m finding out much later than I wish I had.”

A wife on YouTube · @katiemiller8649

“I’m a woman who has seen my husband through this. Seeing him in so much pain from lack of affection has opened my eyes. At first, I was resentful, but I now see this very differently now. I want to be there for him. Not out of obligation, but out of love. He’s human, and he needs to be loved. I’m working on it, and it’s paying off. It’s making him happier and me happier. It’s really beautiful.”

A wife on YouTube · @user-pn9gk2ri7i

“My husband, a blue collar guy, isn’t a deep thinker or big emotional talker. I am totally the opposite. I have been married almost 40 years. I have had breast cancer, and had menopause due to chemo, but I didn’t think the lack of sex really bothered him. […] However, this and other videos I’ve watched are totally an eye opener. I realize now that my husband shows emotions and “talks” thru physical touch. I mean I knew he loved physical touch, but I feel like I get it now! I just messaged him and told him how much I love him and how we are gonna get a hotel room with a jacuzzi and all that fun stuff. He messaged me back, asking if I was ok and what did he do?!! LOL. Ya, I’m late, but I’m taking steps NOW!”

A wife on YouTube · @lindaedwards3503

“As a woman, sex is not a need that I feel. However, I dearly love my husband (42 years) and I would never want to deprive him of any need. We’ve had periods of less sex due to illnesses (both his and mine), but in general, we aim to be pretty consistent. I’ve watched several of Laura’s videos and it’s made me realize how important this is to him. This understanding causes me to want to please him even more. […] Thank you, Laura, for opening my eyes to a deeper understanding of my husband’s need.”

A wife on YouTube · @abbybaty4218

“I literally just found out a week ago what sex truly means to a man in a loving relationship. It’s so sad how completely ignorant I was about this and I sincerely wish someone told me sooner! I always thought it was just a release he needed to get rid of until next time… I have been pregnant and breastfeeding back-to-back nonstop for the last 5 years and I cannot even describe what breastfeeding can do to a woman’s libido. […] I started crying because I realized that I had been depriving my husband of him just wanting to love me. […] When my husband came back home, he was given a very warm welcome so to speak haha 😉 A couple of days later we even stayed up late talking about it. We talked a lot about intimacy and what sex means to him etc. I really think we’ve hit a turning point in our relationship for the better and I literally woke up the next morning SO HAPPY.”

A wife on YouTube · @meganreese1486

“Several years ago my husband and I started a schedule. We have toddlers so spontaneous intimacy is really hard to come by. Additionally, while I was on an SSRI my libido just kept dropping lower and lower over time. We both agreed it was better to schedule sex and have it than have it one or two times a month at best. And that was with me not really caring about whether I had it or not. The responsive desire is so real. I couldn’t possibly count the number of times I was saying yes because I knew he needed it and I was wanting to show him love that I wound up having just as much desire as he did once things got started. You have to be open to it but it’s so worth it ladies!”

A wife on YouTube · @jayaom4946

“Twenty years together, three children, bodies changing, looking older and wanting only sleep when we went to bed! Then I changed a bit. I started giving love whenever it occurred to me and I was alone with my husband. It often happens in the kitchen, we’re getting coffee/tea and thinking about all that needs to be done today and I just come up to him for a hug and then we start getting really close and kissing/making out. […] Anytime that my husband says during the day, playfully, “well the kids are gone or busy with something else….. you wanna….?” I say “yes!” Usually I’m thinking “well, I was planning on getting a few things done or scrolling on my phone” but I remind myself that this is important too! I don’t usually feel in the mood at that moment but I’m ready to continue with our love affirmation! Women my age get a message from society that it’s normal and understandable to just say no but I’m much happier saying yes regularly. […] Sex makes me feel better (just like running)! It can feel like a chore but only at the beginning!”

A wife on YouTube · @debbiekr5515

“I’m so grateful to be in a marriage with frequent sex. After having 2 kids, it’s harder to be in the mood (more tired, stressed, etc) but I still “make myself” have sex, because it’s important to my husband. And honestly it’s usually super fun and satisfying once I’m into it. I’m very glad I don’t say no to him!”

A wife on YouTube · @sherbetstraw

“Women can be absolutely in love with their men and still not really be bothered about sex. Sometimes I do think women need to try and rekindle things through a decision to make a little effort to get things started again (I am a woman btw)”

A wife on YouTube · @NiaLaLa_V

“I am a wife and I completely agree with you. I’ve had to find ways to manipulate my low sex drive because I don’t think it’s fair for a loving husband to not get the intimacy he craves because he is too respectful to pressure a wife like me. […] Compromise has to be brought in and I have to give too, it can’t just be him.”

A wife on YouTube · @jayaom4946

“I used to talk my husband’s ear off. It felt like connection to me. Not to him. Now, when I want to connect, I try initiating sex! We’re both much happier this way! I like sex better than talking as well, I just didn’t know it.”

A wife on YouTube · @jordanpoole7183

“9 years together, 8 years married, 3 boys, and my husband and I just get closer as the time goes on. It wasn’t always like that though. We had to choose our marriage when it wasn’t always easy, and now we truly feel like we can get through anything life throws at us.”

A wife on YouTube · @ayodari_style

“Once a week is the minimum if you are able bodied — I try to go for twice — sometimes it doesn’t happen because life with kids is busy, but our house is a lot happier when I make sure my husband has what he wants as well.”

A wife on YouTube · @SuperWillSun

“I am a wife and I just listened to it. My husband sent this to me this morning while he was working in his office (I was asleep). This is great information and I agree with all of it! I am definitely going to work on this. I married an amazing man. We will celebrate 19 years of marriage this May. We have 3 young children. We just need to make our relationship a priority.”

A wife on YouTube · @meganreese1486

“As a wife, I certainly struggle to remember to initiate, I always have. It’s made harder these days by having very young children and now a newborn. But I’m continuing to try to work on it, because I do love my husband and I want him to feel loved. It actually makes perfect sense that he would feel safer in the relationship and more connected emotionally if I’m initiating at least some of the time.”

A wife on YouTube · @elizabethrbatson

“Years later in a happy marriage and expecting our first child, I’ve been a little sad about the “6 week wait” that will come after the baby is born. I love my husband and being intimate with him. Maybe that will change after kids… but I doubt it. He is supportive, helpful, and loves babies. As long as he keeps showing me love by acts of service, I’ll eagerly keep showing up for him (us).”

A wife on YouTube · @brendaschwieterman1350

“I love Laura!!! My husband, hungry for sex, introduced her to me! At the time (2 years ago) I seriously had no idea that having sex only one time a month, wasn’t normal at the age of 60. […] Well… Laura’s videos peaked my interest and our sex life has changed a lot! […] Way to go, Laura!! You changed my marriage… which was always fairly good… but it’s much better now.”

A wife on YouTube · @Louiseclaire64

“I never had much desire, and it got worse in menopause and a long period of poor health/surgery. Plus, he had depression which didn’t help. I have a need for emotional connection before sex, but I didn’t realise that my husband needed sex to emotionally connect with me. We definitely shot ourselves in the foot there😢. We’ve been communicating more, and I’ve been making the effort to have more sex since watching your videos, Laura. It has improved our relationship. It’s now a must, rather than something that we do if I think he ‘deserves it.’ […] But already there is a vast difference. Thank you Laura ❤”

A wife on YouTube · @annagerus4613

“After menopause, my libido took a remarkable dive over a 7 year period…. But I NEVER ignored my wonderful husband of 40 years. 6 months ago, under a doctor’s recommendation, I started using Androgel to bring up my testosterone levels (along with other HRT) and I can report my libido is crazy off the charts. I’ve never felt closer to my husband. I am in the mood all the time and my husband is loving it…. I never knew I could feel like this and I just LOVE it!! I’m 62 and having the most magnificent sex I’ve ever had….”

A wife on YouTube · @jessiewest4153

“I’m 69 and maybe it’s because I’m of a different generation but I do believe it’s my duty to give my husband sex. And yes men do need sex. And at 74 my husband still wants sex and I still give it to him and we have a very happy marriage. And the thought that at 74 my husband still sexually desires me is an amazing feeling.”

A wife on YouTube · @MILADAVANDAM

“As a woman married with a great man for 52 years, this is a push for me to do better. Something happens to a woman over time, she loves her husband, but sex is not her priority. She is fine without it. Perhaps kiss here, and kiss there. Women, when we engage in sex, we are showing men we love them.”

A wife on YouTube · @brendaschwieterman1350

“My husband sent this video to me. While I like to think I do my best in this regard, I gotta admit I really appreciated your viewpoint on this crucial aspect of marriage. […] PS – I LOVE my husband. We are just 4 days apart, lived on the same street and were in the same kindergarten carpool in 1969. Despite our absolute love for one another, as humans, we still fall short sometimes. Quality education like you provide is so beneficial. ❤”

A wife on YouTube · @frfrancie5885

“I am a wife and this has traction with me!!! I used to be cold, irritated, and critical and not in tune with my husband. When I decided to change and invest, our life became more peaceful, harmonious, fun, adventurous and hopeful!!! Thank you Laura for your courage and determination to help married couples live life more abundantly!!!!”

A wife on YouTube · @PEZenfuego

“Woman here. Thank you for making this video. Everything you said is true. I hate how I used to be. Our marriage really suffered. My man and I have talked and now it’s a whole lot better. And honestly, it’s not even that hard to do. There are other women out there in different phases of the same journey I’m on. It feels good to make your partner happy. And I have never in my life regretted being intimate with my husband. It just leads to happiness.”

A wife on YouTube · @Ihaveahandsomehusband

“My son told me last week that I have become such a better mother over the past 8 years. Well, 8 years ago there was a big change in our marriage that led to me and my husband having a much more intimate love life. I feel alive!”

A wife on YouTube · @nadinegriffin5252

“There was a period of time where I had less sex with my husband. […] When I started to be more giving and show more interest, I was able to express what I needed for satisfaction. Apparently I wasn’t giving him the intimacy that he needed and then I wasn’t being satisfied either. When we slowed down and started to get to “know” each other again, it greatly improved everything. […] What I do know is that after two years of me actively working on improving our intimacy, I have a really strong marriage. […] As our teens are on the way out of the house, it is nice to find purpose and comfort in each other as we enter the next chapter in our marriage.”

A wife on YouTube · @beckylange9138

“My husband and I have made so much progress since he started watching videos like this 6 months ago and I started watching them a couple months later. This is the first time I feel like he’s really opened up to me and explained what he needs. I wish he would have told me earlier. I was expecting a mind reader. Funny enough, he’s getting way more than he expected now.”

A wife on YouTube · @lulu-pz9hf

“I’m a wife and I find your videos helpful even though they are men focused. I appreciate it because the understanding goes both ways. I understand my husband more but also I know what I need from him to initiate more. I needed to feel safe and desired so that he didn’t make me feel bad if I had to say no. I find now there is more effort on both sides and when I do initiate because I feel safe, he always makes me feel wanted and that also helps me to want it more. So thank you for these videos ❤”

A wife on YouTube · @Louiseclaire64

“Laura, I’m so glad I found you. In the 2 weeks that I’ve been watching your videos I have renewed hope for a successful and happy relationship, understanding, and increased desire and compassion for my husband. […] The last few months I’ve been doing my best to heal, get fit, and improve myself, and gain understanding about our relationship and default habits. I’ve also committed to initiating sex and activities that increase oxytocin. Thank you so much”

A wife on YouTube · @PelivanKochara

“Oh my gosh, this video is so needed for we women/wives. Most of my girlfriends aren’t really having sex with their husbands. It’s so sad. Meanwhile, I’m having lots of it and my husband is in heaven. So am I. Thank you for sharing this with the world.”

A wife on YouTube · @katieyungen1647

“I really appreciate your messages, Laura! Hubby and I have a good marriage, but everyone can always grow even closer and stronger and your videos suggest little ways that I can do things even better! Thankyou! ❤”

A wife on YouTube · @Windyridge2153

“I’m a wife who is watching and learning and actually practicing! Thank you Laura ❤”

A wife on YouTube · @meagansexton

“I don’t feel like I’m settling, this actually helped me understand my husband’s needs better so I can be a better wife.”

A wife on YouTube · @ks4521

“I’m a married woman and I appreciate how these videos frame intimacy. It brings me a lot of insight and understanding. I think it’s a healthy perspective.”

A wife on YouTube · @user-hb7wg6dc6l

“I am a wife and I appreciate this video because it is not one sided. You make a lot of good points.”

A wife on YouTube · @nancybutera6384

“I’m a woman and really appreciate this video! It makes me want to understand more deeply. I am curious how to best meet my husband’s needs in this area”

A wife on YouTube · @kellyburns1320

“Thank you for sharing. I feel I am learning too, my husband has needed me but I have been emotionally unwell for years.”

A wife on YouTube · @crystalthomas1541

“Woman here 😊 I am here to learn how to become better with Laura ❤🎉”

A wife on YouTube · @jasmineh6704

“Wonderful advice to continue improving myself as a woman and a wife. Thanks Laura!”

A wife on YouTube · @AnnaMariaLazarou

“I’m a woman. I love this channel. I learned a lot thank you”

A wife on YouTube · @kathypuzic921

“This breaks my heart. My hubby is in long-term care now too. We had slept apart for a number of years due to snoring. Now I will regret forever not snuggling up to him and engaging intimately with him. You never get a second chance.”